Parent figures in media

While thinking about my parent-child dynamic obsession, I realized that there’s a fairly gender-specific element to those dynamics. And that is that mother child dynamics are treated much more naturally than father-child dynamics.

What I mean by this, is where a story has maybe one team dad or a father-child duo, the same story is likely to have more mother-child dynamics or at the very least occur much more smoothly and naturally. To have a character or characters have a mother figure, is much more accepted and even expected than to have a character have a father figure. Often father figures aren’t even father figures to more than one character. And the character they’re a father figure to is usually a girl. Of course, this isn’t always like this, but I have a much easier time naming father-daughter duos than father-son duos.

My main two examples of this double standard are Mia and Me and CW’s Supergirl, two shows that have so much in common (note the sarcasm). The first reflects more on how much more normal it is to have a female character to be a mother figure than for a male character to be a father figure, where the latter reflects on how it’s something of a requirement for most female characters to be mother figures.

In Mia and Me are three main protagonists, Mia, Yuko, and Mo, are guided by the latter’s parents, Queen Mayla and King Raynor. One thing that is easily noticeable is that Mayla has a mothering role over all three of our main characters. Mo is, of course, her son, but she is also a mother figure to Mia and Yuko, and even becomes something of a mother figure to Violeta, who only appears in season 2. On the other hand, Raynor is a father figure to no one. The best descriptor of him is “King of Centopia” and that is what he acts as at all times. He gives orders, reminds the squad of dangers or rules, provides wisdom. But never at any point does he truly put down the King, becoming more of an authority figure than a father figure. Even with Mo, he isn’t a father. Obviously, we don’t see all their interactions, but what we do see, is that Raynor is acting as King even when it comes to his son. He teaches Mo, because Mo would one day become king himself, but their relationship is more mentor-student than father-son. Mayla sometimes takes on a mothering role even when it comes to her husband. While their marriage is clearly functional, it’s still there. It shows blatantly that it is much more natural for a female character to be a mother figure over everyone, even sometimes their own spouse, than for a male character to be father figure over anyone, even their canonical children.

In a world as chronically parentless as Supergirl, it’s not surprising that the show would be full of parent figures of all shapes. But if we dig a tad deeper, it shows how much of an unbalance there is. Supergirl has one amazing father figure in J’onn J’onzz, however, he is the only one. Among the other male characters, James had a single storyline with a kid and that was more about the power of his unmasked civilian face has over his Guardian mask rather than how much of a father material he is. Winn had a whole episode about how he sucks at taking care of kids. And Brainy’s only interaction with a child show’s his profound lack of knowledge on children. And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that neither of these three has a father role over any of their fellow protagonists. They have brother roles, but even then, they take the younger sibling role.

And who might be the older siblings? The ladies, of course. Even with James, who has a canonical younger sister, said sister is mothering him all the time. Among the girls, Kelly, James’ sister, is always mothering her brother and becomes something of a team mom by season 6. Alex has a whole-ass storyline, spanning 4 seasons about how she wants to be a mother, is amazing with kids, and she and Kelly have something of a mother role over Lena Luthor. Lena, alongside Kara Danvers, is often seen as a mother figure to Nia Nal. Recurring character, M’gann M’orzz, is immediately slotted into a wise mother role when she briefly returns in season 5 of the show. And Nia is the only one of the female main characters who isn’t actually a mother figure to anyone. STILL, she does take on a nurturing role for Brainy.

So basically, while among the male main characters, the general rule is that they aren’t suited as fathers and don’t have a parental role over anyone, in fact, they often need taking care of, the female main characters are almost all mother figures or otherwise possess nurturing roles over each other or the boys.

Another thing I noticed is sometimes mother figures go unnoticed. In two separate instances I can name (sticking with my superhero obsession), the team dad is called out as such, whereas the team mom remains unnoticed as the team mom. Both on Agents of SHIELD and on The Flash, the team dad (Phil Coulson and Joe West respectively) is called out as the team dad in universe and in the fandom, while the team mom (Melinda May and Cecile Horton) does exist but never acknowledged in universe and hardly in the fandom.

Now the root of all these things is obvious: our society. Society’s gender-based expectations exist the same way pretty much everywhere. And those expectations put all the parenting on the mother while fathers get praised for the absolute bare minimum of making breakfast. This gender assumption also causes sisters, younger and older, to be parentified and become caretakers to their brothers/younger siblings. Plus there’s the bullshit belief that women have a natural caretaker instinct. So obviously, this leaks into our storytelling. Since mothers and girls are supposed to be the caretakers, that is what happens in stories. You have mother figures occurring more naturally than father figures, or the resident mother becoming a mother to the entire main cast, and even non-mother figures otherwise taking care of others the way a big sister would. Because it’s the norm in our society that the women do all the parenting, it also goes unnoticed, which also leaks into the stories we tell. Of course there’s a mother figure, a team mom, that doesn’t need to be called out, that’s the norm. But the father figure does need to be called out, because that isn’t.

Basically, there is an ocean of gender-based assumptions and requirements that show up in almost unnoticeable ways when it comes to parental figures solely because of our real-world gender biases that exist. I hate said biases and it still took me years of obsession with critically analyzing everything I watch to realize that there was a difference between father figures and mother figures. Because these differences in stories and the gender assumptions they originate from have been drilled into our brains.