Why Eloise Bridgerton doesn't want to marry

I have not read the books. This is only about the show.

Eloise Bridgerton is among the kind of fictional women who declare and reinforce the idea that they will never marry. The people around these kinds of characters usually hold out hope that this is not true and they are usually right to do so. Unlike characters who are say aro/ace, characters like Eloise have some reason behind their insistence on never wanting to marry. In fact, their insistence shows that this is a choice rather than a preference.

In the case of Eloise, the reason behind her insistence seems obvious: feminism. However, that isn’t the actual reason. The reason lies in the trauma of the night of Hyacinth’s birth. In episode 2 of season 1, Eloise has a conversation with her sister, Daphne, asking her if she is frightened of marriage and children. Eloise recalls the night when their youngest sister, Hyacinth was born. She talks about how their mother, Violet, almost died that night, that her screams rattled the windows, how Daphne tried and failed to hide it by singing to her.

It is no surprise that that night was traumatizing for Eloise, and probably for all Bridgerton children. And it brings us to a part of Eloise’s character that is usually glossed over: she does not seem to want children. She is terrified of the thought. This is because of the trauma that she lived. Her mother’s screams and near-death experience because of childbirth. She is terrified to have children of her own because she fears that she’ll have a perilous experience like her mother.

But how is this connected to marriage? In the same episode as her conversation with Daphne, it is shown that Eloise firmly believes that marriage is the first step in coming to be with child. She absolutely panics when Penelope reveals that she knows of an unmarried woman who is with child and declares that they must find out how it happened to ensure that it could never happen to them. She looks absolutely terrified while declaring this. And while thanks to Penelope, Eloise now knows marriage has nothing to do with the conception of a child, she did believe that for who knows how long. And since to her, marriage was the first step toward children, in her fear of having children, she decided that she will prevent the first step itself and never marry.

Not wanting to get married was a decision made in fear, possibly still as a child, and declared so many times that she herself came to believe that that is something she doesn’t and never will want.

This also explains why she seems to “malfunction” when around Theo, she can’t and doesn’t want to admit she’s in love because love leads to marriage, or why she seems like she’s either about to have a panic attack or pass out when a suitor interacts with her.